I was not born infertile it was something that could have been prevented. In 2003 I went to the Emergency room doubled over in pain and the emergency room doctor was not really helpiing me instead too busy checking out a nurse with her neion thong shining through her srubs. So as it turned out he discharged me at a level 9 pain and said it was gastritis and to make an appointment to the specialist which they could not get me in until ten days later. I kept thinkiong its nothing and chugging down maalox and tylenol nausea, headached, stomach and back pain finally  bedridden and 106 temp went to a different hospital 20 miles away. They did a catscan and showed I had a ruptured appendics and needed emergency surgery right away. All I thought was this is not right and I have to go home to my 5 yr old daughter and they said"if you leave you will not wake up in the morning" I remained there for nearly three weeks the infection was so back that they had to infuse me with different types antibiotics which they call cocktails and intubated me no eating or dring for 21 days and just a wet sponge to quench my lips. All I kept thinking please let me be able to have siblings for my daughter and time went and lost the lawsuit due to the reasoning that "the emergency room is not the cure all its the middle man" so it is my fault they say!!1 I say it is the doctor who did nothing for me and all I wanted was enought to have ivf.  Time went on and all the stress and tests halted my system and one Infertitlity Dotor said I am better off using a donor egg since he does not see me ovulating and they cost is over my financial budge.  Five years pass still not pregant and the mortgage crisis hits which is my business I went from making a great salary to 0 overnight and trying to save my home. I took care of my grandfather  and since he pased I was having anxiety and depression since he not only raised me but my daughter while I worked and again went to the doctor and they sent me to a gastrologist and diagnosed me with reflux and the chest pains and erratic heart is from the loss of my grandfather. So as I relocating from NY to NC driving back and forth twice amonth I get a call that my grandmother is rushed to the hospital so I drive back up and she was suffering with pancreatiti. I helped care for her and my chest pains still there and all of sudden bloating and alittle nausea so I sat next to her and of course she says"It looks like you maybe have the same as me" mind you she had her appendics out many moons ago and all Ican think of is my god is this for real? can I be getting everything she had and the next thing that hit is her story of the emergency hysterectomy going through my mind. Well she was close it was my gall bladder and stone which they removed and had me on morphine then I ended up with a collapsed lung and lots of nuclear tests which I feel effected my body. All I can think of was why me? again fasting and no eating and this went until they finally discharge me after my last test I was the worst patient, like a child saying "when can I go home" so they released me all I could think of was the smell of chinese food across the street. So while picking up the chinese food my doctor calls an says"where are you?" I said haha across the street picking up chinese food and he said"you have to get back to the hospital and be re-admitted you have blood clots in your lungs (pulmonary embolisms) and I said laughing "you got to be give I have not eaten anything in three weeks I am going home first and will be back"  Ok maybe that is why I am having a hard time breathing so I had to remain an extra week on blood thinners and one discharged remained on 11 mg coumadin daily for one year. Ok this is not going well two surgeries and alot of scar tissue and blocked fallopian tubes when does it end. My sister has four children and I have to say I cringed everytime she said she was pregnant it was as if she was slapping me in my face. I long to have siblings for my daughter so that she will have family to go through life with and why is god punishing me? I have always been good and lived my life helping everyone but myself. So I finally decided that if I can either have a surrogate or adopt then maybe I will have another chance. Everyday I think about it and I don't want regrets.