Hi Everyone!

Just to introduce myself, my name is Davina Barron, 32 years old.  Hubby and I will have been married for 10 years this June.  I live in MI, with hubby our two cats, two dogs and a fish (hubby jokes every time I feel blue we end up with a new pet ^-^ ), though I was born and raised in England.

Some days I miss the U.K, but there are days, despite how crappy my insurance is when it comes to infertility, I thank heavens I am in the U.S since I've read how hard it is for my poor AS sisters in the U.K to get treatment.

Some days this journey makes me feel old, because its been such a long journey and I'm not sure how much longer its going to take.  I'm 32 now, hubby and I started trying for a family when I was 27.  Its amazing how we take it for granted that we'll just be able to pop them out no problem and it seemed like that wasn't going to be an issue for us at first.  I had worried it would be, since without the pill my periods had been irregular to the point where I was lucky to get five a year.  But it seemed my worries were unsubstantiated.  Just a few months after coming off the pill I was pregnant, yippee!

Or it was until my scan at 11 weeks, when the couldn't find a heart beat.  After all I've been through in life, I don't think anything has made me feel as awful as seeing my little bean on that screen and hearing that it had stopped growing.

Feeling a bit numb, hubby and I just followed the doctors instructions.  Go home and wait, if it hasn't happened in a few days, we'll give you some drugs to start things along.  That night I got home and had some agonizing cramps, the following day we got a call from the doctor who had re-examined everything and decided a D&C was the best course of action.

If I hadn't been so upset and grieving, maybe I would have looked further into what this procedure involved and saved myself even further heartache.  But having never gone through this and thinking well the doctor knows best, we went ahead with the plan.

The whole thing was horrible and not because I was emotionally in a horrible place, I mean the procedure itself was handled terribly.  They had me running around so long for blood work I got dehydrated, on top of that they turned all the heat off in the room and so my poor veins retreated and it took an hour just a to get a line in me.  The doctor came in at one point pissed off, didn't even acknowledge me, and was terse with the staff saying if they couldn't get a line in, in the next hour they needed to call down for oral meds, because she had to be done by such and such a time.

I should have known right there, that if she was in such a rush, something was going to go wrong.

But it all seemed to go well, I was told all looked good on my follow up ultrasound a week later, we should wait 3 cycles and then we could try again.  That this is normal, it happens in 1/3 pregnancies and I should have no trouble in the future.

3 years later, and I had never gotten pregnant again.  I had put this down to my now (since I was off the pill) irregular periods.  I finally convinced my doctor, that since I only had 4 periods a year, charting my temps wasn't going to help much and could she please send me to a specialist.  I saw two OB's, who decided that even though I tested negative I had to have insulin resistance.

I was miserable on metformin, my sugar was always far too low and my periods never regulated out.  So they finally took me off it and tried me on clomid.  Which amounted to them saying take this pills on days 3-7 and then have lots of sex. No ultrasounds to see if it working, no blood work to see if I was even ovulating.

I finally had enough, decided they had no business practicing medicine and went back to my PCP demanding to see an RE.  She did agree with the two OB's that I probably had PCOS.  She again tried me on clomid and through blood work and ultrasounds determined that I did indeed have PCOS and after 4 successful rounds, I should have been pregnant.

She suggested doing a HSG to check nothing physical was wrong, like blocked tubes, plus the ultrasound technician and noticed an abnormality in the last ultrasound and they wanted to check I didn't have a polyp or something.

The HSG showed a filling defect in my uterus, could be a polyp, could be a fibroid, we won't know till we go in, take a look and get rid of it she said.

So I was scheduled for a hysteroscopy and a lap.  It made sense since I was going to be knocked out anyway and she suspected I might have endometriosis since I'd mentioned unbearable pain during my menstrual cycle, when my period did decide to come.

I was devastated when I woke up to find, that what had been a innocuous little polyp, was actually Ashermans syndrome and that I had endometriosis and well as PCOS.  I just saw all my dreams of being a mother go down the drain.

My doctor however didn't think so.  While she agreed it was highly unusual for a woman to have all three of these issues, she felt that they could be overcome.  I had no scarring by my cervix or by my fundus, the front and back of my right side were stuck together about midway up.

While the scarring itself was dense, it wasn't a large area of my uterus.  It took two surgeries but they were finally gone.  The endometriosis was mostly cleared out.  My bladder was fused to my uterus and they had to be separated, my tubes while open were covered in scarring possibly preventing them from moving, one was completely freed up, the other had some remaining endo, due to its proximity to my bowel.  And there was some minor scarring on my ovaries which was easily taken care of.

I had been diagnosed in October, 2 surgeries, HRT and recovery and by February  we were told we could try to conceive and we'd be using injectables to overcome the PCOS.

Miracle of miracles, finally I was pregnant!  Only to sadly have miscarried again by March.  This time I had to do it naturally, since a D&C would have meant risking the return of the Ashermans.

That was last year and here I am still not pregnant.  Having PCOS I had signed myself up with a study for sufferers with the University I work for.  Whereby they provide the drugs and monitoring for five tries of getting pregnant.  I'm currently on my last try.  Either my period shows up in a week, or I'm successful this time.  Which would be nice, but I'm not holding out too much hope.

I'm a little disappointed it hasn't worked, since I've been ovulating regularly and having a period every month since I went gluten free and dropped another pant size, so I felt sure we'd get lucky.

If my period turns up, I think we can get one more IUI out of our insurance before we'd have to switch to more expensive insurance that would give us 3 more tries.  But the University only allows you to enroll once a year every October, so we wouldn't be able to do that until later in the year.

And I want to wait on that IUI.  If my period turns up I decided I needed a break.  I'll do another 90 day round of P90X, get myself even fitter and then get back on that ttc wagon and maybe also start digging into our options for adoption.

Its been a long road and some days it seems unending.  There are still some days when I get so incredibly angry about the scarring and the fact it was most likely caused by a doctor rushing around instead of doing their job properly.  Or that the medical community as a whole seems to think Ashermans isn't a big deal.  

But I've come too far to just give up now and at least if I reach the end of the road insurance wise and we have to stop trying for a biological child I can move on to the adoption road, knowing I gave it my all.