No matter how hard you might try to turn off your ears this week, it's hard to escape the Hallmark holiday that will occur on Sunday: Mother's Day. The most difficult thing about the day is that most of us have mother's to attend to and honor.

It's a reminder that this goal that you are striving for is still in the distance. Mother's Day brings up an interesting question: what makes a mother? Certainly, the easy answer is: the woman that birthed you. Other answers might include the women that raised you and gave you values, experiences, memories, faith, and your identity. This might be a consortium of various people that may or may not have any biological ties to you. I would also argue that mother's are created by the intention to be a mother. Even if the biological process hasn't caught up to that intention.

Another time where this gets to be tricky is for women who have experienced loss in pregnancy. This might be a failed IVF cycle, a chemical pregnancy, an early pregnancy loss, or a termination because of medical reasons. These outcomes do not diminish the mothering that has occurred prior. The loss is not a result of anything that you overtly (or inadvertently) done. You didn't exercise too much. That one drink wasn't the cause.  Sex wasn't the cause. Even mixed feelings about pregnancy or children didn't cause the loss. 

Mother's Day can be filled with sadness when you are trying to build a family. Participating with your own family or your husband's family can be daunting. It might be important to voice that you need to sit this year out. Talk to your family about what makes this hard for you. Find a way to honor yourself and your intended journey. You can even take the day off and be with others that are intentional mothers-to-be.

How are you going to spend Sunday?

Picture by:
Sara-D