So many of us in the infertility community have experienced far too much loss and pain that seems fair in one lifetime. From a women's vantage point, I grew up knowing that if I wanted something badly enough, and tried and put everything I had into it.. I would be successful. This idea is a big slap in the face to so many of us with infertility because so much is seemingly out of our immediate control.
So what happens when we have gone through the appointment, medications, battery of tests and procedures and we FINALLY get the BFP.. if we are "lucky"!!! Woo Hoo... this is what we have been wanting and hoping and praying for. However, it isn't as simple as getting to the BFP.. because like so many of us are painfully aware of, there are months and months to overcome to have that healthy baby in your arms.
Sometimes, we experience a pregnancy loss or a preterm baby that doesn't survive and then what? How do we move forward from that? Or better yet, as an outsider, how do we comfort those in this situation. I can be the first to say, I don't know how to make it better because the problem is that coming from so much pain, there is absolutely nothing that anyone can say or do to make the pain disappear. We can't fix it and we need to accept that first! The pain is real, nothing will help and it will never go away... ya know that is the truth! But I think there are things you can do to cope but if someone tells me how to cope.. time will heal, my response inside is really "go *bleep* yourself, let's be real!".
Maybe there is nothing that anyone can say to help? Maybe getting back to regular life is practically impossible, because nothing else matters as much as the pain you are going through and everything else in life pales in comparison. But as uncomfortable as it is to be there for someone that is going through so much pain we have to get over our feeling of discomfort and try. In reality we are scared we are going to say or do the wrong thing. Maybe you just need to ask the person, what can I do for you? How can I help? Instead of trying to crack the formula ask for the answer up front. No way can begin to understand this kind of loss unless they have experienced it first hand. The best way to let them know that you are there for them is to be there for them... it won't be perfect all the time but they will know you care and at the end of the day that is what will help them get through the most difficult time in their life!
To learn more about Lisa's infertility journey visit MyHopefulJourney.com