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In Between Fertility. Newly Pregnant After Infertility

There is a nebulous place to be. It's newly pregnant. For anyone who has been through an infertility journey, this is a really scary place. On the one hand, it's the place you've wanted to be all along. On the other hand, it's fairly unreal and full of uncertainty.

Being newly pregnant is a difficult path to navigate: your friends that you've met while on your journey through infertility may have mixed feelings about your status. You are no longer officially "one of them" and you are at the place they all long to be. They might have difficulty being around you, (as many can relate to this) since you have what they want. It's not that they want to be unhappy for you or jealous, but these feelings can be common effects of the infertility journey.

The other side of things are other women who are pregnant. Yet, you are not really "in that club" either. Sure, you have a positive pregnancy test, so literally you are, but it can take time to really believe that this is happening. For many women, it's not until after the first trimester when the rate of miscarriage decreases that the pregnancy feels real.  The "pregnancy club" is filled with women who didn't have a unique journey as you did. Maybe they became pregnant on their first try. They may have difficulty relating to the obstacles that you endured and not understand the complicated mix of emotions that you may be feeling.

Here is another example of bridging--straddling the gap between a journey of infertility and the status of being pregnant. It's like having one foot on either side.

How do you handle the news of friends pregnancies?  Is it different when it is a friend who has had a pregnancy journey versus a friend who hasn't?

Image: duron123 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Views: 73

Tags: after, dr, fertility, infertility, julie, loss, pregnant, therapist

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Comment by Anna Smith on April 24, 2012 at 10:54am

I don't think I'll ever feel like I'm in the "pregnancy club" until I have that baby in my arms. I will never forget my infertility.

Comment by Infertile Mertle on April 24, 2012 at 10:51am

This totally makes sense for me. I'm newly pregnant after years of infertility and I know once we tell our close friends they will probably say, oh I knew you would get pregnant, you just needed to relax! So it basically suddenly discounts all the years of trying when people say that. I very much feel like I have one foot in and one foot out like you said.

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