This post is not a positive blog post like I want all my posts to be but the reality of infertility and surrogacy is that it isn't always a pretty picture and a perfect story-book ending.
On May 17th, our daughter was born at a mere 1.6 pounds, 11 inches long at 25 weeks and 6 days gestation. My husband got a call from our surrogate that she had been admitted to the hospital. When I arrived home my husband broke the news to me gently, "don't freak out, but she's in the hospital". I knew something was wrong. I texted our surrogate earlier in the day and hadn't heard back. For at least a week before she had been complaining of swelling. I just had a gut feeling things weren't going well.
We pack up our things and head up to see her in the hospital. I called her doctor and never received a call back. When we got to the hospital it took hours for a doctor to come speak to us. Granted they are busy but when it comes to surrogacy, the Intended Parents are the third wheel for sure. It wasn't the first time I have felt this way.
So our surrogate was all situated in bed and on many monitors and medications for high blood pressure and will be given a steroid to help with the baby's lungs but the word directly from the doctor, "a baby CANNOT be born at this gestation; we have to get to 28 weeks". With preelcampsia they tell me, 80% of women will do fine on hospital bed rest and 20% will, in a flip of a switch, be in such a life threatening state that the baby will have to come out in an emergency c-section. We were hopeful we were in the 80% and since they were moving her out of labor and delivery and up to a less critical hospital floor, we are hopeful!
Hopeful but not panic stricken. We are in a state of total shock and now, in the 11th hour, have to deal with the pre birth order, PBO. Usually attorneys don't do the paper work for these until 30 weeks gestation. We now have to deal with legal documentation, notarizing paperwork and getting this in front of a judge all in this one crazy, surreal day. So while our surrogate rested it was a mad dash to get the PBO done so the baby, whenever born, would be ours legally as well as biologically.
After a stressful time of getting that all done we decided to head back home and pray that we make it to 28 weeks! It was only two weeks away. 28 weeks gestation is about the earliest you want a baby to be born since the lungs are much more developed and create something called surfactant to help the baby breathe on her own.
The next day we get a call about 11am that we were not expecting. The baby needed to come out, that our surrogate was very ill. So once again, we hop in the car and drive 1.5 hours back to the hospital. We got a call at about 12:30 that our baby girl had been born at 12:05. That she had hair on her head. At least that is all I remember. My husband never cried at the birth of our son which he attended, but boy, did we both ball the rest of the way to the hospital. Tears of joy, tears of the unknown and tears of being totally aware that a 1.6 pound baby didn't have the best chances of survival.
We missed the birth of our daughter but we couldn't wait to meet her.
To be continued...