Our infertility roller-coaster took a drastic turn this year. We were on the steady up and down, stomach dropping in a consistent rhythm until BAM! The ride took us to a dark place, lights out, upside down, screaming. We lost our baby we were so close to having home. Our baby via a gestational carrier after years of infertility due to Asherman's Syndrome.

After several surgeries to try to repair my uterus by two different doctors it was suggested to us to consider a carrier or adoption. No woman, who desperately wants to carry her own child, ever wants to hear that. I have nothing against adoption or gestational surrogacy; just wanted what I had with my first child whom I carried full term without any complications...until after he was born and thus my Asherman's.

The complications from an Asherman's pregnancy seemed way too risky. 

The most frequent complications include abnormal placental development. Due to the compromise of the cavity, the placental attachment may take place in an abnormal area and result in excessive bleeding. (Placenta previa, placenta accreta).
Dr. Abbasi, Columbia Fertility Associates

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HOLY COW!

So even if we got pregnant we were faced with some major complications. We took a step back and said, ok, lets give surrogacy a try. It wasn't an easy decision by any means. It takes some time and research to understand how it all works and frankly, after doing surrogacy, I'm still learning about it.

So after having our daughter via gestational surrogacy and having her be born at 25 weeks, due to pre-eclampsia and die 20 days later, I began to wonder if I had made the right decision to begin with. All the concerns about carrying the pregnancy myself I never considered when going with a surrogate. I was naive and desperately hopeful.

Surrogacy is a tricky journey. It's a financial strain and an emotional and physical strain to say the least. It changes you forever.

I'm sharing bits of my story in the hopes of continuing to help others. I was hoping to be a success story on how wonderful surrogacy can be to build a family because I know it can be. Maybe someday I still will be. We can only hope one day at a time.

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